Living with Anxiety Disorder: Ep. 1

You’d think getting out of bed in the morning was the usual “ugh, another day” expression like for most people but for me, I wake up everyday to continue a never ending conversation with my subconscious about all the things that could go wrong during the day.

Overthinking every little thing anyone says to me or replaying every unexplainable video/picture I see on social media in my head trying to make it make sense. I often struggle to find the humor behind jokes that everyone laughs at because I read too much into it but I laugh anyway because all this is too much to explain.

My friends don’t take me seriously either because in most conversations, I’m lost halfway through: Instead of moving forward with the conversation like everyone else, I’m stuck on something that someone said at the beginning of the conversation. Most people would find this funny, but to me it’s a real problem because I end up getting confused and eventually I lose interest. Later, when I get home I begin to think about everything I didn’t understand which becomes a whole new issue for me.

Sometimes, something as enjoyable as watching a movie is a chore for me (even though I still enjoy it) because it takes a while for everything to sink in so as I’m reflecting on the previous scene, when I’m all caught up, or so I think, I’mway behind. As a result, it would take me about 2 hours to watch something that would take someone else about 1hour 20minutes to watch so I’m constantly on my laptop.

I don’t know why but it bothers me when people say “I have anxiety” instead of “I’m anxious” because the first expression makes me feel like they’re just throwing it around which makes me think about if they have anxiety or if they’re just anxious in the moment because so it’s very confusing for me.

I think having Anxiety plays a huge role in every single thing I do. Knowing it’s the cause of all my overthinking and confusion has helped control it better because now I know what it is. Living with Anxiety isn’t something I’d wish on anyone even though it has its pluses. It has taught me a lot which I’m grateful for but it still puts a lot of pressure on me to be “normal” which I know I am, but it doesn’t feel like it.

Exercising, apparently, is another way to keep Anxiety under control. Today is my first day, I’ll let you know how it goes :)

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